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The feeling when using an amusement park unit is usually a pleasure. Why is it not a pain instead?
Are there advantages, from an evolutionary point of view, in loving this potentially dangerous activity?
Is it related to the liking for extreme sports?
Riding roller-coasters usually (unless you are psycho) induces a release of adrenaline and other chemicals, like endorphin (your bodies pre-emptive effort to combat any possible pain and stress you may be about to experience), into your body. Endorphin is a strong chemical, specifically released to make you feel relaxed and confident. Obviously this explains the natural high you may get from riding a coaster.
However, every now and then you get that person who ruins it for everyone by having a heart-attack. This person's body was not conditioned for this type of stress, and clearly they did not enjoy their ride much. Elevated blood pressure, erratic heartbeat and palpitations… they should have instead taken a ride on the log flume. For the rest of us thrill-seekers, this type of gung-ho, take-all-comers attitude gives us a confidence boost by wiring our brains to not be overly stressed in actual emergencies.
Imagine the people out there who have grown up in small towns. You may have heard how such people can have a difficult time adjusting to the hustle and bustle of city life, especially in larger cities. This has to do with everything from their metabolism and diet, to their sleep cycle. Their body simply needs to get used to the new environment. The same goes for new combatants. Military's try their best to simulate combat for new trainees. The better the simulation, the better prepared people will be for combat. The first few combat situations for people are obviously going to be the most dangerous, being a truly foreign experience for most peoples bodies.
Physiologically it's going to push your body to the limit. After all, you sense your life is in serious danger. But as many people deal with this stress, they can start to acclimate until they ideally stay fearful, but become extremely focused on the fight. The adrenaline rush (and again, other chems) is part of what you need to get used to. If your body has a naturally stable system when exposed to these chemicals, or you have trained it to be so, then you are at an advantage compared to your peers.
Roller coasters release adrenaline, a chemical that is released when your body thinks it's in danger. It strengthens your body so that you could fight or flee. However, since a roller coaster is not actually dangerous, your body just feels strong and good. Your body also releases endorphins during roller coaster which makes you feel good.
by Chris Woodford. Last updated: January 4, 2021.
I f you need to wash and dry a pair of jeans in a hurry, you'll be awfully glad you have a centrifuge . That's what your clothes washer becomes when it spins wet laundry at high speed to remove the water. A centrifuge is simply a machine that spins around to make a large and useful force. Small centrifuges are used in scientific laboratories (for example, to separate blood products). You can find much bigger ones in aerospace-labs, where they're used for testing astronauts, pilots, and their equipment to absolute breaking point. Let's take a closer look!
Photo: The medium-sized space-station centrifuge used by NASA. This one has a radius of 1.8m (6 ft). Photo by courtesy of NASA Ames Research Center and Wikimedia Commons.
Energy in a rollercoaster ride
Have you ever wondered why rollercoaster cars don't have engines? Vehicles don't always need that kind of power to make them go. But they do need energy of some sort. Before a rollercoaster ride begins, an electric winch winds the cars to the top of the first hill. That can take a while, because some rollercoasters start off nearly 100m (330ft) in the air!
The winch has to use energy to pull the rollercoasters up the hill, but that energy doesn't simply disappear. The rollercoaster cars store it just by being up in the air—and the higher up they are, the more energy they store. They'll use the same energy to race back down the hill when the ride begins. Because they have the ability (or potential) to use in the future energy that was stored in the past, we call the energy they're storing potential energy .
Photo: What comes down must go up! The kinetic energy that makes a rollercoaster car move at speed comes from the potential energy the car gained when it was hauled to the top of the very first hill on the ride. Photo of the Jet Star roller coaster, Seaside Heights, New Jersey by John Margolies, courtesy of John Margolies Roadside America photograph archive (1972&ndash2008), Library of Congress, Prints and Photographs Division.
Once everyone's onboard, the cars are released and start to roll down. When they round the brow of the first hill, the force of gravity makes them hurtle downwards, so they accelerate (pick up more and more speed). As they accelerate, their potential energy turns into kinetic energy (the energy things have because they are moving). The further they go down the hill, the faster they go, and the more of their original potential energy is converted into kinetic energy.
At the start of the ride, the cars have a certain amount of potential energy. They can never have any more energy than this, no matter how long the ride lasts. Throughout the ride, they are constantly swapping back and forth between potential and kinetic energy. Each time they race up a hill, they gain more potential energy (by rising higher in the air), but they compensate for it by losing some kinetic energy too (by slowing down). That's why rollercoaster cars always go slower in the higher bits of a ride and faster in the lower bits.
In theory, this process could go on forever and the ride would never end. But in practice, some of the potential energy the cars started off with is constantly being used up by friction , when the wheels rub against the track. Air resistance takes away more of the energy as well. Even the rattling noise the rollercoaster makes uses up some of its energy. The cars lose more and more of their original energy the longer the ride continues, and, since the cars have no engines, there's no way of replacing it. That's why the loops on a rollercoaster ride always get smaller and smaller. It's why rollercoaster rides must always come to an end sooner or later. The cars simply run out of energy.
Artwork: How energy and forces change during a rollercoaster ride. To learn more about centripetal force&mdashthe force that makes things go around in a circle&mdashplease take a look at our article on centrifuges.
What about brakes?
If rollercoaster cars still have energy to spare when they reach the end of the ride, they can be rapidly brought to a halt with brakes. There isn't a driver onboard to apply ordinary hydraulic brakes, so the brakes need to be completely automatic. On older rollercoasters, there's usually some kind of a friction brake on the track that stops the train as it tries to slide over it. Modern rollercoasters have different (and usually more reliable) eddy-current brakes, which use magnets to generate a braking force as the train goes past.
Photo: Eddy-current brakes (black) mounted on the side of a roller coaster track (green). Photo by Stefan Scheer courtesy of Wikimedia Commons published under a Creative Commons Licence.
5 Things That Secretly Make Her Horny
Talk about being in the right place at the right time. Research from the University of Texas at Austin shows that people who have just stepped off a roller coaster find the opposite sex more attractive. The study found that symptoms of physiological arousal&mdashlike heavy breathing and increased heart rate&mdashtend to linger without our knowledge after any adrenaline-pumping activity, intensifying perception of attractiveness.
Make your move: Luckily, you can harness the power of "excitation transfer" without hanging out at Six Flags all day. A simple Netflix binge at home can do the trick. Fire up your favorite, jump-in-your-seat horror movies&mdashand keep some massage oil handy. "Add some caring touch into the equation, and the bonding hormone oxytocin also blends into the mix," adds intimacy expert Sheri Meyers, Psy.D.
Seeing red? In a University of Rochester study, women found men who were either wearing red or surrounded by the color to be more attractive and sexually desirable. Researchers attribute some of the connection to the historic use of the color as a symbol of wealth and power.
Make your move: You probably know where this one is going: "Wear red! It's that simple," says Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., author of The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking. Too bold for your button-downs? "Consider making it the color of your boxers or briefs," she says.
A recent study in Biology Letters found that women consider large, varied, and fast movements like head-nodding and torso-twisting most arousing on the dance floor, because they signal strength, suppleness, and vitality. The study suggests women prefer "vigorous and skilled" males&mdashand dancing ability perhaps signals physical condition. (Hey, we'll take the researchers' word for it!)
Make your move: Shuffling around with your hands stuffed in your pockets won't cut it. "Take her dancing and don't be afraid to let go on the dance floor," suggests Fulbright. But you'll have to do better than the sprinkler: "Take dancing lessons together, and allow the experts to teach you how you can best move together."
Skip the cologne&mdashaccording to research from the University of California, Berkeley, it's your natural musk she's after. Scientists found that a pheromone in male underarm sweat causes a spike in women's levels of cortisol, a hormone associated with arousal and brain activation. The result? Your pit stains can improve women's moods and increase sexual arousal. Hallelujah!
Make your move: Work up a sweat&mdashtogether. "Plan to go for a hike," suggests Fulbright. If you go in for a hug and she complains that you stink, "it's a good indicator that you may not be the best match, at least reproductively speaking." But if she digs it, consider yourself in.
If she picks a cabernet on the first date, it bodes well for the rest of the night. According to a study from the University of Florence, women who drank one to two glasses of red wine a day had higher levels of sexual desire than non-drinkers. Researchers also found a correlation between moderate wine consumption and higher levels of lubrication.
The Psychology of Disappointment
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The study of disappointment is just in its infancy, but there is a definite physiological aspect to what happens in the brain, when people experience the emotion we call “disappointment.”
To the layman, it seems so obvious that…
When someone considers a risky action, he or she will form a prior expectation of the payoff, and if the outcome is worse than expected, that person will experience an emotion called disappointment. If the outcome exceeds expectation, the emotion is called elation
In other words, when things go right: You feel happy. But when things go wrong: You feel frustration, regret and yes…often disappointment.
Most commonly experienced emotions:
The crushing, emotional blows of disappointment: are exacerbated when you are disappointed by someone who you trust and expect to give you what you want. Constant disappointment with a loved one can lead to blame, resentment, and eventually even rage.
So…what is this emotion we call “disappointment”?
1. … the psychological reaction to an outcome that does not match up to expectations. The greater the disparity, the greater the disappointment.
2. … a way in which sadness is experienced.
3. … the experience you feel when you consider what might have been, in contrast to what exists in the present.
4. …what comes with finality– the recognition that you don’t have, didn’t get, or will never achieve whatever it is that you wanted.
5. …the acceptance of reality. It forces you to admit that you did not get what you wished to have, and it is actually easier for you to protest with anger than it is to encounter your sadness about the course of events. Anger allows you to continue idealizing what could have been while consciously denigrating it, and people will hang onto it only because it’s what they needed at the time.
The Psychological Set-Up for Disappointment:
1. You are in a situation in which the outcome is uncertain
2. You hope for a positive outcome
3. You feel you deserve the positive outcome
4. You’re surprised that you didn’t achieve the outcome
5. You couldn’t control the outcome through personal actions
An Empirical sports analogy: In a study of long-suffering baseball fans, older fans were less subject to the disappointment effect. In other words, the longer you’ve experienced a winning drought, the better able you are to manage your expectations and take your team’s losses in stride.
Source: Rainey, D. W., Larsen, J., & Yost, J. H. (2009). Disappointment theory and disappointment among baseball fans. Journal of Sport Behavior, 32(3), 339-356.Rainey, D. W., Yost, J. H., & Larsen, J. (2011). Disappointment theory and disappointment among football fans. Journal of Sport Behavior, 34(2), 175-187.
Psychological effects: Disappointment, vs. stress, excitement:
Emotions sometimes related to disappointment:
Anger: it is far easier to transfer this emotion rather than face disappointment
Physiological symptoms sometimes related to Disappointment
Emotions sometimes related to Excitement:
Emotions sometimes related to Stress:
An emotional state of anger towards you, another person or sometimes towards the whole world.
You don’t care about anything and you don’t want to do anything.
A feeling that comes when you have already done or want to do something which is classified as wrong.
A state in which you are sad and feel that you cannot enjoy anything because your situation is so difficult and unpleasant. Present and future look so dark and obscure resulting in suspicions and fears suppressing the pleasure from the usual simple things.
Bad mood and lack of mood at all are the slighter forms of apathy and depression.
A feeling that you want to do something even if it is not so clear what exactly
Inability to focus
You know that something has just gone through your mind but can not recollect it.
Low self esteem
Feeling you are good for nothing and can’t do anything of true value.
You are easily annoyed and feel irritated by everything and by everybody.
It is the state of feeling rather sad because something has not happened or something is not as good as you hoped.
This is the unhappiness because you do not have any friends or do not have anyone to talk to. .
You keep thinking about problems of yours or about problems that might happen you feel scared with no specific or direct threat.
Physiological reactions sometimes related to excitement
Sometimes as a result of stress you can not feel anything in a particular part of your body legs, arms
Headaches might be caused by different reasons, one of them being chronic overwork and stress
Hot and Cold Waves
Feeling hot or cold, irrespective of what the temperature of the air is.
The state of guts is painful and often causes diarrhea as a result of stress.
Sweating for no apparent reason even if it is cold. It starts from palms and armpits and can show up on face and the whole body.
A slight stinging feeling in the arms, fingers, legs or toes. Sometimes the feeling is like you have thousands of needles stuck in your legs
A sense of vomiting
You constantly want to vomit and often do not want to eat.
You feel that your heart will break. With no reason your heart just beats so fast and hard that you feel something will happen to it
The bad dreams you often have, sometimes recurring
Tiredness is natural consequence of long working hours or conflicts and is one of the most common physical effects of stress.
Comparing the physiological, chemical reactions to stress, excitement:
1. When we are excited by our expectations our brain releases a chemical called serotonin, which is a ‘feel-good’ neurotransmitter. It interacts with adrenaline (the hormone released from the adrenal medulla), and the sympathetic nervous system, which makes the heart race, pulse quicken, and eyes sparkle. Dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin combine to produce feelings of excitement.
2. When we are extremely stressed, fearful or angry the sympathetic nervous system is also triggered and this, of course, has the similar physical effects of the heart racing and pulse quickening, but this effect is commonly known as the ‘fight-or-flight’ syndrome.
3. Disappointment is an emotion that stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system. A chemical response is triggered which results in melancholy, inertia, and a feeling of hopelessness. If there is a prolonged ‘roller coaster’ of emotions excitement/stress, followed by melancholy/inertia, serious stress-induced disease may occur. These may include heart disease, digestive disorders, and depressed immune system.
4. Within the brain’s limbic system, when the neural transmitter dopamine, a chemical, reaches the frontal cortex, we experience pleasure. The strength of the dopamine secretion increases in anticipation of a reward BUT withhold the reward (after the anticipation) and the strength of the secretion decreases. This may be the physiology behind the emotion we call disappointment.
Source: Reference: Fiorillo, Christopher D., Philippe N. Tobler, and Wolfram Schultz (2003) Discrete Coding of Reward Probability and Uncertainty by Dopamine Neurons. Science, 21 March, 299, 1898-1902. www.businesspsych.org
1. EEG recordings of participants subjected to disappointment suggests that people differ in their neural responses when thing don’t go their way. The Dopamine effect?
2. Psychologically, disappointment breeds more pessimism among those already low in disappointment tolerance. The more let down someone feels, the more the expectation that the future will yield more letdowns. After a disappointing setback, decisions are made more impulsively.
Source: Tzieropoulos, H., de Peralta, R., Bossaerts, P., & Gonzalez Andino, S. L. (2011). The impact of disappointment in decision making: Iterindividual differences and electrical neuroimaging. Frontiers In Human Neuroscience,4doi:10.3389/fnhum.2010.00235
associated to disappointment
associated from disappointment
6 Psychological Strategies to combat disappointment:
Achieving your goals is the best way to avoid disappointment. But, when those goals are out of reach, psychologists say these six steps will help effectively manage feelings.
1. Revise expectations: Try a bit of “retroactive pessimism.” Social psychologists have identified what they call a “hindsight bias” in which you can limit their disappointment by revising the high expectations you once had for winning. Tell yourself you didn’t really expect to win, and as time goes by, the new memory will replace the painful, original memory.
2. Increase your disappointment tolerance. There’s no reason that people low in disappointment tolerance have to remain that way forever. Don’t let disappointment breed pessimism because if you do, you’re likely to set yourself up for even more disappointment in the future.
3. Don’t let disappointment skew economic decisions. When feeling disappointed, a person is more likely to sell at a loss. If your favorite sports team lost the championship, don’t rush to dump your treasure chest full of memorabilia onto eBay.
4. Assess a person’s role in personal disappointments. People can control many of the outcomes in their personal lives. If someone’s expectations in love and work chronically fail to materialize, make an honest appraisal of what needs to be changed.
5. Control identification with a losing cause. The sports fans who feel the most let down are the ones who identify most strongly with their teams. There’s nothing wrong with being loyal, but if it impairs a person’s daily happiness, he or she needs to find other ways to boost their spirits.
6. Use humor to boost the disappointment emotion. Loyal sports fans who retain their loyalty despite years of disappointing outcomes almost seem to relish their identification with the underdog. Perhaps by joining the ranks of fellow sufferers, a person can find solace in self-deprecating humor. Laughter is truly one of the best coping strategies for dealing with disappointments, and s offset the consequences of faulty pessimism-based decisions.
Hold on, it’s not all bad. Disappointment…
1. Provides information about the way we view ourselves, the world, and others.
2. Helps you better understand what is important to you, if you examine the cause of the disappointment.
Henry David Thoreau: “If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.”
In other words, we can find insight and wisdom from our encounters with disappointment when we look beneath the surface.
How To Deal With Your Partner's Narcissistic Behaviors
Having a close relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder can be frustrating. It may also be really hurtful at times.
As a mental health condition, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may manifest differently in every person.
Some people might experience less intense symptoms and can have long-term relationships.
Others might have developed defense mechanisms that lead them to use manipulation tactics on their partners, friends, and family members.
In either case, NPD is not a personal choice. It’s not a sign that someone is a “bad person.”
What may be tagged as “problematic behaviors” is a group of symptoms of a condition that may cause great distress and distort the way someone sees themselves and others.
On the other hand, being at the receiving end of hurtful behavior can also affect your well-being and mental health.
How can you handle narcissistic behaviors in a relationship? We explore the answer in this article.
NPD is one of 10 personality disorders characterized by fragile self-esteem, need for admiration, low empathy, and self-centeredness.
It’s estimated that between 0.5% and 5% of the U.S. population may have this mental health condition. It’s more common in males.
“Narcissism is a disorder in which individuals have difficulty maintaining realistic and stable self-esteem,” explains Mark Ettensohn, PsyD, a psychotherapist who practices in New York and California.
“Individuals with more severe narcissism typically have difficulty recognizing that other people have feelings, and often prioritize their own needs over the needs, feelings, and rights of others,” he says.
To diagnose NPD, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) says that the person must persistently exhibit at least five of the following nine symptoms:
- a grandiose sense of self-importance
- preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- a belief that they’re “special” and unique
- a need for excessive admiration
- a sense of entitlement
- interpersonal manipulation tactics to achieve their own ends
- a lack of empathy
- arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes
Not everyone with NPD will experience all these symptoms or in the same intensity.
More importantly, narcissistic personality goes beyond a number of behaviors or attitudes. Only a mental health professional can accurately diagnose the condition.
Also, everyone may at some point show any of these behaviors. This doesn’t mean that they have a personality disorder.
For example, you may want praise and admiration from certain people, or you might use some manipulation tactics in your relationships. This alone does not translate into having the disorder.
Understanding that narcissistic personality is a mental health condition and not a personal choice is important. It doesn’t mean you have to accept being treated in a way that may hurt you, though.
Most people with the disorder aren’t fully aware of how they behave or the consequences these behaviors might have on others. It’s part of the condition’s complexity.
This is essential to understand because it might help you realize that trying to “change” them or “show” them their wrong ways may not always be fruitful.
The opposite may happen: Calling them out on their actions could sometimes result in rage and vindictive behaviors.
“Recognizing that narcissism exists on a spectrum is important,” Ettensohn says. “Not all forms of narcissistic pathology are equal, or equally disruptive to healthy relationships.”
In all cases, it’s important for you to develop coping skills that can protect you from getting hurt.
1. Educate yourself on narcissistic personality disorder
One of the best ways to protect yourself from the emotional distress of being in a relationship with a narcissistic personality is to understand the disorder.
Learning about the symptoms and complexities of NPD can help you develop empathy for your partner but also protect yourself from believing anything they do or say is “personal.”
Indeed, understanding NPD can help you depersonalize any insults, criticisms, and otherwise hurtful actions.
Acknowledging that it’s not about you but rather their own mental health condition is a powerful tool in managing a relationship with someone who has a narcissistic personality.
2. Don’t idealize your partner
People with NPD may be charming, engaging, and confident at times. Consequently, they can draw people in with their attitude and energy.
As with any other relationship, it’s important not to idealize the other person but rather see them as they really are, including their not-so-charming moments.
This means you might want to look at how they treat other people, how they talk about previous relationships, and how they behave with you when they’re upset.
Having realistic expectations for what you’ll be able to get out of your relationship is important. This also involves not justifying their behavior when you feel hurt.
3. Clearly communicate how their actions affect you
Since people with NPD may be less likely to be aware how their behaviors affect you, it’s important that you make your concerns heard.
Staying quiet just for the sake of “keeping the peace” might work against you in the end.
When someone lives with NPD, any criticisms, even slight ones, can rub them the wrong way. Being prepared for a strong reaction or defensive attitude when you talk with them is also important.
“Protecting yourself from narcissistic abuse involves not allowing another person to demean, diminish, or trample your authentic thoughts and feelings,” Ettensohn explains.
“Sometimes, a simple assertive statement like ‘Hey, my feelings are important, and I don’t feel that you are listening to them or taking them seriously,’ is sufficient,” he says.
4. Set clear boundaries
Some people with NPD may feel entitled to intrude on every part of your life.
In their eyes, your main purpose in life may be to serve their needs. They might not fully realize you have your own needs.
Setting boundaries can be incredibly beneficial for managing a healthy relationship.
“When dealing with any individual who is behaving in an inappropriate manner, I would recommend setting clear boundaries using simple and clear communication, and being willing to walk away if the other person does not respect the boundaries that you set,” Ettensohn says.
It’s also important to lay out these boundaries clearly and acknowledge when they’re disrespected or challenged.
Maybe your partner constantly texts or calls you when you’re out with friends, demanding your attention. They may even become really upset and accuse you of not giving them the attention they need at the moment.
Verbalizing your boundary then is important.
You may reply with a simple “I’m busy, and I’ll get back to you when I can.” You could also be more specific and say something like, “Please don’t disrupt me when you know I’m spending time with friends or family.”
Expect pushback, but try to hold firm.
5. Don’t internalize hurtful comments
Of course, building thick skin is easier said than done. Some people are naturally more sensitive than others, and it may be difficult not to let hurtful behaviors get to you.
It’s crucial to internalize the fact that their actions aren’t a reflection of you. They’re manifestations of a personality disorder.
Taking criticisms and insults personally will quickly degrade your confidence and self-worth.
Growing thicker skin can help you maintain a healthy sense of self and a realistic expectation of your relationship.
This doesn’t mean overlooking unacceptable behaviors, though. Even if they have a mental health condition, they don’t have the right to persistently mistreat or demean you.
6. Develop a support network
In some cases, you might not receive the support and attention you need from a partner with NPD.
Cultivating new friendships and maintaining existing bonds can help you get emotional fulfillment outside your relationship.
Some people with NPD might attempt to isolate you. They might try to maintain dominance and control, so they have your attention all the time.
This might make sustaining other bonds challenging at best.
However, consider that you also need attention and support. If you’re not getting enough from the relationship, you have the right to look for it somewhere else.
7. Get your own therapist
Whether or not your partner is receiving treatment for their mental health condition, it can also be a good idea to speak with a therapist yourself.
In addition to helping you learn about and understand your partner’s narcissistic personality, a therapist can provide guidance and support.
While you may be receiving blatant or subtle messages that your needs don’t matter from your partner, a therapist can remind you to prioritize yourself.
A mental health expert can also help you recognize when your partner uses manipulation tactics or other narcissistic tactics and when this behavior crosses into abuse.
8. Prepare ahead of time if you choose to leave
Leaving a relationship with someone who has NPD can be extremely difficult.
Some people with NPD may have a difficult time letting you go without trying to pull you back in repeatedly. In some instances, they might want to have the last word, too.
Whether someone is sowing doubt in your judgment or making you feel guilty for leaving, it’s important to remember the reasons why you made the decision.
It may also be necessary to prepare beforehand and lay out clear reasons for leaving.
Though it can feel like an effective means of correcting behavior, threatening to leave and then failing to follow through may backfire.
It may give them more power and reaffirm there’s no need for them to change.
Consider saying you’re leaving only when you’re actually prepared to do so.
It can also be helpful to cut off communication entirely, as they may make attempts at drawing you back to them.
How to Adjust Circular Motion
Because centripetal force is always perpendicular to an object's linear velocity, it describes the radius of the object's circular path. Therefore, the larger the centripetal force, the harder the "tug" inward, the tighter or smaller the circle will be, and the looser the centripetal force, the larger the circular path will be.
This might make sense intuitively: Pulling in on the rope holding the ball, or taking a curve on a sticky surface with more friction than on a slick one, like ice, will both result in smaller circular motions. Just remember that in any situation the only force causing the circular motion is an inward, centripetal force. No centrifugal force ever pushes an object "out" into a circle.
Orgasm as “Heroin Rush”
During orgasm, one research team reported it this way (Holstege et al. 2003): The dopamine flooding the brain’s reward pathways resembles a “heroin rush” to the brain: overwhelming feelings of well-being and pleasure. Just as with heroin and other substances, “withdrawal” can be a problem. It follows that sex addictions and other types of addictions go hand-in-hand, indicating poor regulation in this part of the brain.
After the dopamine-flood accompanying orgasm, dopamine levels drop below baseline—that is, lower than they were before orgasm. (The term for this is “rebound.”) Essentially, the same thing happens during withdrawal from substances. So, it’s highly possible that orgasmic sex can intensify ADHD symptoms for some people, especially if they are not taking medication.
Could it be that orgasms, simultaneous to ejaculation, are good for the species but bad for the brain?
Evolutionary biologists argue that we might be “hard-wired” to act in ways that propagate the species but that simultaneously jeopardize harmonious intimate relationships.
In other words, orgasmic sex is a “win” for reproduction but a “lose” for the kind of steady brain function that enhances and stabilizes a relationship.
What happens in our brain when we are afraid?
Our response to scary situations is often described as our &ldquoflight-or-fight&rdquo response. In a scary situation, our body can produce adrenaline (which can lead to great feats of strength otherwise not possible under tamer circumstances) and groups of hormones called endorphins (also linked to exercise and positive mood enhancement).
A 2008 study in the Journal of Neurology also found that flooding the brain with dopamine is also linked to behaviors suggestive of fear and paranoia in rats. Since dopamine is also associated with pleasure, its release in scary situations, along with a so-called &ldquorush&rdquo of adrenaline and endorphins can lead to an elevated mood or high. Some people enjoy this high more than others.
Most people do not actually want to live through a terrifying or traumatizing ordeal. The key difference with experiences like scary movies, haunted houses, and even roller coasters is that our brain can quickly process the threat and determine that it is not &ldquoreal.&rdquo So if our senses trigger a fear response, for example if we suddenly feel the floor drop out from under us on an amusement park ride, our brain can immediately recognize that we are not in any real danger but are instead in a safe, controlled environment.
Although psychologists have not identified a &ldquofear center&rdquo in the brain, the amygdala, nestled between the temporal lobes, appears to be involved in how we process scary situations or threats. Animals with amygdala damage are observed to be tamer and have less of a flight-or-fight response. Neural activity is also observed in the human amygdala, along with increased heart rate, when threats are introduced. Evidence for the dominant role in fear response played by the amygdala was further found in a 1995 study in the Journal of Neuroscience of a woman known as &ldquoSM&rdquo with a rare genetic disorder, Urbach-Wiethe disease, which caused her amygdala to harden and shrink. Not only could &ldquoSM&rdquo not recognize fearful expressions, she also showed no signs of fear in typically scary situations like haunted houses or when surrounded by venomous snakes.
Comments on &ldquo Women and Masturbation: Talking About It Openly &rdquo
Thank you so much, although I’m a man, my experiences and feelings just as same as yours. This article has struck a responsive chord in the hearts of mine. Thank you, Mrs. Kristen Clark.
How about if I masturbate and think about my husband is that still a sin??
Why would you even be reading this material meant for women. There are plenty of articles for men on masterbation. Shame on you.
I am sick and tired of the negativity towards this page. The Bible clearly says: Do not use any part of your body to serve sin. This verse speaks more towards masturbation. Even if you masturbate while thinking of your spouse is still a sin because you are not directly serving your spouse, therefore it is self-centered. Those who think masturbation is normal and do it for physical wellness are being deceived. Gods word says: Do not be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for God’s anger will fall on all who disobey Him.
What if I regularly crave for endorphins? I am currently fighting it hard. I feel such a freak because I cause myself pain to feel aroused. I was wondering if that was a reason to seek a counsellor.
I always say that when you ask the question “Should I see a counselor?” the answer is always YES! If you’re asking that question, that’s probably what you need!
Sabina, to me masturbation is a safe, healthy, normal, and natural way to release pent up arousal. As one woman to another I would encourage you to consider masturbation as a healthy outlet. It has helped me in what has been a sexless marriage to not fault of my husband. Just can’t perform anymore. But my libido didn’t stop and masturbation has helped me manage my sexual needs without committing adultery. I’m 46 and i enjoy masturbation b/c it allows me to enjoy sex and to be able to orgasm while thinking about my husband. Hope this helps
I find it strange that you refer to your God given sex drive as a “sin.” Smh
Thank you for your insight.I have dealt with this single, married and divorced. It has changed over time. The reasons have changed over time too. i still have so many questions still. i am looking into the whole Bible. Scriptures around the ones you teach and culture as i was taught to study this way. I,m also praying, talking to God ,praying more and deciding what is right. .
Please Do Not Publish Here If Not Appropriate. You May Personally Reply To My Email.
Thank you this was well said!! Heart!!
What are pleasurable sexual alternatives for a Christian woman whose husband has no physical desire due to prostatectomy or has problems with erectile dysfunction that is not helped by professional health assistance?
In my opinion, masturbation is normal. It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self. If your husband is unable to have sex, and isn’t interested in mutual sex play due to his medical issues, then I personally see masturbation as a healthy outlet for your perfectly normal sex drive. Of course it would be nice if he wanted to participate, but if not, well, that’s his choice! Enjoy the good gifts of God, including your sexuality.
I saw a comment to you from someone else and thought I’d prevent that from being a seed to anyone else who reads this article.
When we ask ourselves another way to get around God and to live in our sexual desires (I’ve been the master of self-justification for years), we are tying a noose around our own neck. Self justification is a rabbit hole that’s very hard to come out of. God does not excuse sin based on circumstance. Sin is sin no matter what.
There is no Biblical basis for masturbating. I may be a male but like young woman said, masturbation (or, generally, lust, and even more generally, sin) is a human problem, not a gender problem. No person is immune because of their gender, race, etc.
Now, since I seem really harsh, let’s balance it out a little bit. I’ve recently been learning how to walk in the Spirit. I’m not talking about putting on a spiritual show for others, and more importantly, trying to deceive myself by “being spiritual”. Walking in the Spirit is so much more than a show. The Holy Spirit comforts us, gives us strength, leads us into all truth, and guides us, among many other things! One of the most amazing things to me is that He always points to Jesus. And Jesus always points to the Father! Think about it another way people typically wait years from the time their sexual hormones start really kicking in (around 13) to the time they are married. Obviously, the time someone gets married varies person to person. These people are in the same position. How do I deal with my sexual urges and be righteous? It seems like such an impossible task! And it is! It is impossible, at least, when we try to fight it.
The first problem is that we _do_ try to fight it. Scripture clearly tells us to flee sexual temptation. Literally, just run away from it. Any other temptation? Armor up! Fight! Sex? Masturbation? Pornography? Looking a little too long at that man or woman? Imagining what you and that person would do together? Run away from it! Why is it that sexual temptation is so unique in this? It’s the only type of temptation we are told to run away from.
1 Corinthians 6:18
“Flee from sexual immorality! Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body—but the one committing sexual immorality sins against his own body.”
Again, we see that sexual sin is unique. Every other sin, including murder, is over on one side but here comes sexual sin, and it’s alone and unique in how it affects us.
We can have lasting victory but it requires a lot of hard work. I’m certainly not there yet. I know a lot of people like to share Scripture and then stop there but I’d like to offer some practical advice that has helped me.
– Keep it out in the open with people you trust. Do not go a day without talking to someone because sexual sin will start seeding itself in your heart. Keep living life in the Light (God, truth) and darkness (evil, sin) will not be able to last.
– Really read Scripture every single day. This is something I struggle to do, not because I don’t like reading (because I love to) or even because I’m too busy. When you wake up after sleeping and turn on the light, you immediately want to turn it right back off. It’s almost painful. We behave the same way spiritually. Scripture shines the brightest Light (God and Truth) into the darkest parts of ourselves. Our immediate response is to go back into the comfort of the darkness. Eventually our eyes get used to the light, though, as long as we stay in it. In this analogy, when we switch the light off immediately and then 5 minutes later, we try again, we may be a little more used to it but we’re going to face the same issue as before. This way of thinking/doing only leads to repeating the same thing over and over again instead of just dealing with the uncomfortable light for a few minutes in the physical world. In the spiritual world, it does not quite equate to waking up and turning on the light. Imagine that analogy but multiply it by 1000. It’s much harder, much more uncomfortable it’s just impossible for us to overcome by ourselves. We need Him! He is our ONLY chance.
– Avoid triggers. This seems simple but I think that a lot of us try testing the waters in this area. For example, “this TV show won’t _really_ trigger me”.
– Realize that it’s a process.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God—your sanctification: to abstain from sexual immorality 4 to know, each of you, how to gain control over his own body in holiness and honor— 5 not in the passion of lust like the pagans who do not know God”
“to gain control” is not an immediate thing. Other versions say “to learn”. Learning is not an immediate process. It’s a lifelong process. Salvation is immediate, from the very second you ask God into your heart and repent. Sanctification is a process of becoming more like Him, day by day.
– Protect yourself. If you struggle with porn, get a filter that can’t be uninstalled easily. I don’t work at Covenant Eyes but I can attest that the software really does work as long as you have an admin that you is not easily swayed. (ie: I really need to access this clean website that CE is blocking, please give me the uninstall code.”) This should also be someone that you really trust and that really cares about you, not someone who is going to judge you and tell you all the things you should not be doing. I had an account admin who I thought was a friend but he was constantly hanging my own sin over my head, reminding me of what a failure I was. I felt condemned and like I was fighting a losing battle. Here’s the thing, though “there is, therefore, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”. The Holy Spirit convicts us. That’s His job, not man’s. Someone can tell you that it’s a sin but you already know that. What you need is someone who can keep you accountable and encourage you. We see that God’s loving-kindness leads us to repentance, not His anger towards sin and certainly not a constant reminder that we are sinful. We know that. What we need to get through our thick skulls is that we are forgiven and loved and that it’ll take time to get out of these addictions! If you don’t struggle with porn, I still recommend using CE’s software. At the very least, it’ll help you from being triggered and even if you do not watch porn while you masturbate, a simple image one day can be all you need (especially if you are vulnerable and weak, and as Scripture says, “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”) to run to your room, lock the door, and masturbate. It’s best to just remove that possibility altogether. (and porn is not the only trigger. It could be erotic stories or something else. You know what triggers you, aside from just generally being horny, which we all face. Some more than others but we all have sexual hormones.)
I can go on but I just realize how much I wrote. Just remember that you aren’t alone and do your best not to justify sin. Again, if it helps, remember there are lots of single people who wait years before they are married. They have it just as hard and while they could justify masturbating because they have no idea when they’ll be married to satisfy their sexual urges, it’s still sin and we still need to strive for righteousness.
I hope this helps someone! I know it’s long but these are things that have genuinely helped me. Hopefully they will help you as well!
Clayton, it’s 2020 and your comment has been a blessing. Thank you.
I’m stuck in the place where I’ve asked God to take this sin from me but I still feel it’s grip. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve read devotional, I’ve prayed but still I fall short. I read it’s good to talk to someone about it but I am petrified of what people will think of me. It makes me feel absolutely horrible and worthless and yet I still fall short. Any advice for me as I work through this?
Hi, friend – talking openly will help. It almost always does. I’m not sure what steps you’ve taken to try and break free from this, but maybe it’s time to get really drastic. Try really new things. New patterns. New behaviors. Whatever it takes! I trust that it is possible for you to be free. I really do. This will sound really strange, but sometimes it’s not a matter of prayer and devotionals. But instead, real steps. Like moving in with a friend so that you’re not alone. Like getting rid of your phone if it’s a trigger. Then, what I’ve discovered is that God’s Spirit comes alongside our efforts, and turbo-charges them. “Grace-driven effort” is what I heard pastor Matt Chandler call it and I love that phrase.
I wish you well! God is for you.
Hi Clayton.Your either married or old!
I’m on the same boat, my dear. You know where your answer is. The but. Overcoming the fear of talking to someone, finding that courage is the first step. I pray we both face that paralyzing fear and move on to freedom.
Thank you so much for this post! I have struggled with this filthy habit since I was in the second grade, no kidding! I am in my fifties now and married, but sex has completely stopped between my husband and I. After I went through menopause my libido went to sleep. Then, it came back to life and I have been feeling so guilty and dirty that I cannot face God anymore. My husband will not be able to have sex he has been very ill for the past few years. So, I guess it’s up to me to leave this habit alone. I know too, that being exposed to things like romance novels and even the christian love stories are going to have to become a “No No” in my life.
Thank you again for this post. Prayers please. Mrs. Beaver
Georgie, I’m literally almost in the same boat as you! My husband can still perform sometimes. It is just that menopause practically ruined my life! We went about 3 years without sex because of it and I’m certain he of course masturbated, but overall and in the end…I think I am the one that caused his libido to almost die completely because of the menopause! Fortunately and unfortunately, I got medical help for my menopause and when my libido came back, it CAME BACK…stronger than EVER! I find myself thinking of having sexual intercourse with my husband and even when sometimes watching porn…the picture in my mind is of he and I being the people in and doing the porn! I hate having this overwhelming feeling of sexual desire/needs! Like you, please pray for me as I am weak, very weak!
Wow. The Bible teaches that sex is a gift from God. You are going against but I understand as I was brought up the same way but then in my 50s a 83 yr old former pastor enlightened me that the Bible says otherwise, needless to say my relationship with my elderly parents is not good.
Thank you so much for the post and of course for the good comments.
i must say i am enlightened, educated and shown the true meaning of holy life and of course how i should battle with lust and be victorious over it.
i feel inside of me dirty but upon absorbing this insight that you just published i feel like am free forever.
thank you so much God bless.
Hello Renai. Your libido coming back is a very very good thing.Your going against the Bible
thank you so much Mrs Clark, for God has really used you for me this morning
i know i’m still struggling with it but i believe that with your help and God’s backing up , ill soon be free finally……God bless you ma’am
I am 46 and find that masturbation is a healthy outlet for sexual release when sex is not possible in marriage due to medical or behavioral health issues may limit or mitigate it from happening. Masturbation is also okay as part of supplementing when the other person doesn’t have the libido or level of desire the other person may have. Instead of worrying about lust or the guilt factor why not give ourselves permission to enjoy our sexuality and express ourselves freely in what is a harmless act of enjoyment that has been medically proven to help our physical and emotional and mental health. Orgasmic release is a necessary and natural part of our being and we should not feel shame or condemn ourselves for it. Why torture ourselves? What’s the alternative supposed to be….cold shower or a nice book to take our minds off of things? The clitoris is jammed packed full of nerve endings and serves no other purpose than to allow us to enjoy pleasure. I understand the arguments against masturbation and can see how this like anything could become a problem if not managed right. Moderation in all rhings should be the guiding principle just as in our meal choices and spending habits. Sex is a need and isn’t going to go away by trying to ignore it or pretend it isn’t there.
Thank you, Toni, for speaking up.
TONI – You’re entirely out of line and against the spirit of the article above. If anything, you’re speaking from a place of sin. I ask anyone listening to your words to reconsider their actions, as everything you promote directly contradicts what the Word of God teaches. This is scandal, and you’re sinning just by promoting sin. Shame.
It never ceases to amaze me how so many people call themselves Christians, but act like he/she is God but passing judgement! Personally, my libido is so low that I joke about being asexual, but anyone who says masturbation is a sin is simply playing God since it certainly does not say anything about it being a sin in the Bible. God made our bodies the way they are and allowed us (Most of is) to enjoy sex even after procreation is no longer possible. What is the difference between your husband causing you to feel pleasure versus yourself?? In fact, when you think about the actual act of sex with your partner, it’s rather disgusting. Masturbation is actually cleaner and safer.
You are so right! But like many on here I also was brought up that sexual desire was bad
My name is Bret. I’m a 55 y.o.christian who truly loves the Lord Jesus Christ as my savior. After many years of struggling with this subject, peace has finally come for me through the Holy Spirit.. The bible, God’s word, does not say much on masterbation. I agree with Dr. James Dobson who said, given the negative alternatives, unwanted pregnancies, affairs, sexually transmitted diseases, masterbation is the safest alternative. Yes, it can get out of hand, but God’s mercy and grace still applies to all of us trying to stay sane without a normal marriage outlet for sex /lovemaking. Even Jesus said He did not come to condemn us, but to save us, St. John 3:17-18. We have to talk to Him in prayer about every issue in our life masterbation as well. Those of you being harse critics, where’s your love and compassion? I know believers who claim to have overcome masterbation, but drink too much. Sounds like a trade off… I have a new respect and understanding for those who have or are now in a sexless situation. My wife is going through menopause to date, it’s been 21months without sex me she has absolutely no desire. I haven’t touch or even chatted with another woman, so masterbation has been my only outlet. I was single, in the military in 1990 for four years, determined to be “faithful” to God and not sleep around, so masterbation was my only outlet. Was sent to Saudi Arabia for 2 months and tried not to masterbate, sleeping in close quarters with a bunch of guys. After the first month, my testicles were so painful I could barely walk or perform my tasks. Semen started discharging in large amounts (yes, a wet dream) at night. Pretty embarrassing when war drills forces you out of bed at night. I was determined to be “faithful” and not masterbate until a guy from our unit got a female commorade pregnant within this first month of us being there. This guy had a wife back in home. Begged the lady to have an abortion, which she refused. Glad she refused. That would have been another mistake. I was suffering, literally in pain while praying, begging the Holy Spirit to remove the build up of tension in my testicles He didn’t…. In Saudi Arabia, anything of sexual influence had been removed. No magazines, videos, etc. Because human biological functions don’t cease, sperm was coming out of my body against my will! I wasn’t feeding a lustful desire, l attempted to suppress sperm production! Even asked for divine help… I masterbated so the pain in my entire groin area would go away, so l could walk and do my job. Our sexual drive doesn’t necessarily turn off with age. After getting out the military, I trained as an RN to work in surgery. Working as an in home care nurse, l took care of an 85 year old widower who said he really missed his wife as they were still sexually active before her death. Being a very outspoken, candid man, he told me remarrying was out of the question that he’d just be taking care of himself in the bedroom. This is where grace and mercy comes in. Remember, Jesus died for all our sins: past, present and future. The bible doesn’t even identify masterbation as a sin, but if it did, it would be a forgivable sin like eating too much or gossiping How about speeding? That’s breaking the law. When’s the last time you asked God to forgive you for speeding? This man was faithful in marriage for 60years, so now he’s going to hell for masterbation? Of course not! If masterbation is an over indulging activity that’s causing you to miss work, airline flights, important obligations or has caused you to stop socializing altogether, you should get help, but don’t shame yourself into debilitating anxiety and depression, Jesus still loves and wants to help and we your christian brothers and sisters love you and we represent that help . Talk to others about what you’re going through like on this forum and continue to pray. We can pray to help you find a good christian counselor. Ok. I’ve said quite a bit everyone. Hope l helped someone. Pray for me too, as l said, I’m approaching 2 years in a sexless marriage. Please read St. John 3:16-19 & Philippians 4:6-7
I love you all and will continue praying for everyone. God bless you!
I agree with Toni- there’s nothing wrong with it. That is between you and God while I dealt with those same feelings, I learned so much about my body and my sexuality when I finally broke free of those guilt feelings. Why would God want me to feel guilty for my body feeling things that are natural? I enjoy my sexual side even when I’m not aroused I can embrace that side of me without feeling like I’m gonna get struck down by Lightning. Others might not agree and might even try to bash me for it which is so unChristian like which is why I BARELY participate in these type of conversations with Christians because honestly Christians are always the main ones talking about how important it is to be sexually available to their husbands or wives but they can’t or won’t even tell them what they like or even experiment without being so mentally repressed. I could literally write a whole book on this.
I am with you 100%. As your sister in Christ I am dumbfounded by the mesmerizing of so many Christians myself. There should be no place for hate, bigotry, or judgment on this issue. Masturbation is not a sin issue or a moral issue if that. Sexual addiction can and does come into play when things grow out of balance. Thankfully, I have found peace and contentment that allows me to enjoy self-pleasure without guilt or shame. Our bodies were designed to experience and to enjoy sexual pleasure. It isn’t up to our spouses to fulfill us sexually. Masturbation has become a tool for me to get to know my body and to learn how to give myself the pleasure and release I want and need to have. It wasn’t until I began this journey 3 years ago that I discovered how incredible and intricate and delicate my clitoris is and how God designed it. I no longer walk in shame or embarrassment at my own sexuality. I am able to express it freely now. So liberating! And lust hasn’t been the stereotypical drive behind it. What is so horrible about fantasizing about your spouse and to still be able to orgasm as if you literally did the act? I am probably the minority here but if I can be an advocate for Christian women on this issue i welcome the opportunity. Also, I think we need to learn compassion and understanding as far as our LGBT sisters as well and to come alongside with love and support. Let us leave judgment and condemnation out of the conversation and embrace our humanity and express it without fear.
I agree. As a woman who has seen and experienced a lot, in relationships and out of them, this is a gift to us. Once i broke out of the guilt of self pleasure not only did I enjoy it more but I felt free to be me and free to not be consumed by it.
It is something I enjoy and I wish the same for many other women who deserve it too.
I agree with anonymous…Toni is totally out of line in this situation.
I dont think so… masturbation is helping when your husband couldnt do what he had to do…. because of medical condition etc
It is not about the masturbation itself..
But abaout what do you thinking while doing it…
Do you addicted to it?
Or do you have any suggestion how to deal with it (when your spouse can’t fulfil your sexual need which is come from God too)?
Wow. Masturbation is not a sin. If you think otherwise you are full of hate, bigotry and false doctrine. Get thee behind me Satan.
Hi there, no disrespect to anyone but are you all listening to yourselves? This is exactly what the enemy likes. Disputes among Christians. We all are sinners one way or another. I’m Christian and a sinner.
I love all of you for who you are not for what you do. Let’s not judge one another. God is the only Judge. That is between you and the Lord.
Step aside and give it to Jesus.
Peace to all.
To those who disagree about the argument for masturbation there is far more to this issue than just spiritual. We are free to agree and disagree and there are mixed opinions on this of course. To put it simply, the Bible is silent on masturbation with not one commandment about it. We are allowed liberties that God has given to us to decide on with our conscience. The Bible doesn’t condemn cigarette smoking or drinking, but common sense along with medical science that God has given to us shows that smoking is harmful to our health, along with too much alcohol consumption can damage our livers. We can go around and around on this and never come to an agreement.
We can go back and forth about lust making masturbation wrong. That’s a a subjective opinion and they vary. If masturbation is wrong for you then fine don’t do it. But we shouldn’t judge or condemn someone who is free in their conscience to do it. My conscience allows me to masturbate without guilt or shame. So it isn’t for anyone else to judge me because I do. I masturbate because I am in a sexless marriage due to medical reasons of my husband to no fault of his own. Masturbation is an enjoyable release for me. The clitoris has over 8.000 nerve endings. Why would God give me the ability to enjoy pleasure then if masturbation is wrong yet say nothing about it. It has been discovered by medial researchers and sex therapists that masturbation is a healthy part of orgasmic release and can in some cases help release both physical and emotional tension and elevate mood and help balance hormonal issues.
To Bret, my heart goes out to you. We are in the same boat. I am glad that you have found freedom to masturbate and enjoy it. As your sister in Christ i affirm you and support you. I want to encourage you to express the pleasure you feel when you masturbate and know that your are accepted and loved and that God made your body the way He did. You absolutely need to release that excess sperm and I am willing to guess you feel better after you ejaculate. I know I feel good too when I orgasm.
Thank you Kay for your support.
To Rick and anonymous I hope your are able to learn about compassion and love. Your comments are negative and condemning. Perhaps you are disguising your own secret struggles. Just wondering.
I am Robert – 85 yrs. young & former seminarian and now retired military, BS & MS. Obviously, “Anonymous” didn’t understand her previous comdemnation of Toni’s
well-expressed feelings. The judgment is God’s priviledge, not ours. Ours is to agree to disagree and
love one another despite our own feelings about issues.
I agree 100%. Anti-masturbation, anti-vaccination, conspiracy theories etc … people do not have common sense nor compassion etc … yet they consider themselves Christians … um
Hello. Im am 23 years old, single, and I keep falling back into the same habit of pleasing myself. Its very frustrating because I will do it and then feel guilty. Ask for forgiveness. Then be alright for a few weeks or days, and then go back to the same cycle. Frankly, I am not sure if I am praying the right prayer or that God is getting tired of me doing the same thing and let me fall into my sin. I hate the hold this habit has over my life. I want to stop, so bad, but I don’t know how. I find that when I am alone, that is when I usually do it because I know no one is around to interrupt and I feel like its a “great opportunity” to do it. I just hope someone can pray for me and give any advice they have. I really want to move on… I feel like this habit is withholding a blessing of a husband/boyfriend that could be great for me.
Thank you for being open with your struggles. At Covenant Eyes, we believe strongly in accountability. Do you have someone whom you could reach out to and hold you accountable? I would recommend our blog article, The Importance of Accountability.
I pray that you are able to find peace during this time of trial!
From one woman to another, it sounds to me like you are struggling with shame, guilt, and self-condemnation. I did for years as a single woman. My advice to you is this, masturbation is natural and the better alternative to fornicating. Accountability isn’t going to do a thing to curve your sex drive, which at 23 is very strong. You can’t ignore or try to busy yourself away with other things to keep yourself from wanting to orgasm. You masturbate because you need the release and it feels good. Whoever has made you think or believe that thst masturbation is a sin is just giving you their ooinom. Youth pastors and lay youth leaders are notorious for infusing shame and guilt on this issue. No you don’t want to go have sex with some boyfriend and end up pregnant like I did when I was 17. I wish someone would’ve encouraged me to consider that there has to be some alternative to dealing with our natural sexual urges. A cold shower, suffering alone in your room feeling depressed because you couldn’t resist the temptation to masturbate isn’t going to do you any good. God doesn’t see you the way you may think. He made you and He loves you. The messages of basically what amounts to sexual shaming, primarily made up and men and women who have been been brainwashed by certain people in the church don’t make this struggle any easier. You almost can’t even look at anything without feeling guilt
Masturbate honey. There’s nothing wrong with it. enjoy this gift of your sexuality and express it. I’m 46 now and I am free from guilt and shame. I enjoy orgasm and masturbation has become the alternative to a sexless marriage and what has kept me from committing adultery in the past. I need sexual release and being able to masturbate allows me to have the release I need. Get to know your vagina and explore and get to know it.
Toni, thank you for speaking up. There is so much unnecessary shame around sexuality and masturbation, especially for women.
Many people here who are encouraging others to masturbate and feel well with your conscience are directly speak against the Words and Will of the Lord. I am not trying to condemn you but just want to speak the truth.
Just because your conscience does not feel bad when you do that means nothing. That action just shows you are putting your conscience above God’s words and wills rather than trying to seek Him and His true will for your body and life. A murderer could have said the same about how their conscience feels right but does that changes the fact they are still commiting a sin? We can’t based what we think is right or wrong based on our heart, which is said to be the most deceptive by God himself.
By encouraging others to masturbating without guilt, you are simply being used by the enemy without even knowing. Again, I understand that you may honestly believe it is the right thing to do therefore, encourage others to do it without even knowing the enemy is using you. So I am not condemning or villanize you but just wanting to convict you to reflect on this action.
To anyone who said having sexual desire is God’s gift and we should use it. Please remember God has commanded us not to indulge in the flesh and to flee from lust. We were given this sexual organ by God when we were young for a purpose but its only meant for healthy sexual behaviors between us and our spouse in marriage. Even if we have sex with our spouse, think about whether our sexual behaviors are meant for honoring and being fruitful or just for self gratification or gratifying our spouse. Because the gentile go after all different kinds of behaviors and call it sex, anal, s&m, masturbation, oral without any boundary. But as Christ followers, we are born by God and to worship God, not sex. We must have boundaries and be steadfast and honor him with out bodies and even in love making.
I am single and in my mid twenties. I have been struggling with masturbation since I was a teenager and once in a while I still commit it. But that gives me no reason to say it is healthy or good. Even if I were to get married one day and struggle with masturbation again, it will still be a sin and not something I should selfjustify because I am married. Many people in the bible struggled with sins, and the good thing is God has used them to teach us. God is also merciful enough to forgive them. But the thing is, don’t pretend those are not sins. We must first acknowledge it and repent in order to win the war.
When the judgement day comes, we must come face to face with our sins with God. So we should try our best to really understand His words rather than going around it with our own logic. By doing that, we are trying to play our own God, which not only means we worship sex over God but also ourselves over God.
I am 17 and word for word experiencing the same thing. I feel like every time I give into temptation my dream of becoming a wife and mother gets pushed farther and farther away. I’ve also felt like God MUST be through with me by now and can’t possibly want to keep forgiving me. But always remember that God is not a man. Remember that “when we are faithless, he remains faithful – for he cannot deny himself.” (2 Timothy 2:13) Jesus already paid the price for every time we sin. In the past and future. It helps me to remember that Jesus knows what we are going through when we experience this type of temptation.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15
Jnicole I am praying for you. You sharing your story really encouraged me to know that there are other girls out there who are struggling similarly. I just know that God has wonderful plans for you and I hope you keep your eyes on the prize and never get discouraged running the good race. We can beat this!
You should not have shame. The sex drive is God given and masturbating til married is better than alternatives. When I was your age I felt guilty too then I was married for 20 years and was never an issue but now that I am divorced I can look after myself without guilt. My up bringing also taught me that when married but if no possibility for procreation that sex with my wife was wrong (I would think that most of the anti-sex/masturbation on here think the same way). When I was with my wife with no possibility for procreation I felt very guility. I was told by a 83 yr old former pastor that what we are taught (brainwashed) will instill feelings of guilt.
Hey can you contact me. I would like to speak more on this. Even though you wrote this about a year ago. Can I receive your email. I struggle with the same thing
Masturbation to me and i know for many men and women I have talked to have found it to be a form of self- care and self-love. I am so proud of my 16 yr old son yesterday being able to open up about his sexuality and express his feelings about it to me. He has discovered masturbation as a healthy release and alternative to having sex with other girls and potentially getting them pregnant. He has an informed understanding about his body and need especially at his age to release sperm in order to curb his craving for sex.
I am proud of my 29yr old daughter who also was able to open up to me recently about the joy of masturbation and how it helps her to curb her cravings as well as she navigates the difficult road of singleness. I am proud of my kids making responsible choices and having developed an informed choice to express their sexuality in a healthy and safe manner.
May we enjoy the gift of our sexuality and not walk in shame.
Just like ANY sin – it isn’t the actual action that is the sin. ALL sin, lying to murder – to all sexual things…you’re action are rebelling against GOD. That is the sin. Remember David? He was an adulterous, murdered. And he knew his actions were only against God! That is the original sin and still is today. ALL physical things, done outside of marriage, are against what God has told to us. There are consequences and there is forgiveness. But just really stop and be honest. When you have physical things with yourself, what is in your mind? God tells us to think about whatever is good, pure, lovely, to think on there things. Porn and bad images in our heads, if we are honest, they usually are bad things. As for the married people on here, I’m so sorry your spouses are sick and can’t be with you like they could. But isn’t “LOVE” for important than physical needs? God is love!! Physical stuff, is just that. And oh has it be twisted into so much darkness by satan. Can’t the physical acts we exchange for laying next to someone and holding their hand? Rubbing their back? Praying together? As a single person, never married, I have to believe that physical things, just like our looks and strength, will weaken, get old, and fade away. And physical things aren’t even in Heaven? Why rebell against God’s commands? Why sin against HIM? And all for what? I think crying out to Jesus is always the best choice and seeing a good Christian counselor is wise to! What is not wise, is to allow our itching ears to listen to what some of the people have posted here. I have to believe the Bible over these people’s comments saying physical things with yourself is okay. It is not obeying God.
I appreciate hearing your perspective on this. Can we abstain from sex? Yes that’s possible. Is it realistic? For many it isn’t. Fornication and adultery are clearly sinful actions. However, sexual release is a real need just like our craving for food and water. We in the church hear all the time about married couples having a great sex life, and told not to withhold sex from our spouse, yet not all of us are able to enjoy that with out spouse. I masturbate to get the release i need and when I do i fantasize about my husband, which isn’t lustful or immoral to do. The Catholic Church is a great example of this of prohibiting sex for its priests and nuns. We have seen where that has gotten them. Sex is a natural and necessary release. It is part of our humanity. We can go back and forth on verses on sex. To me it is a liberty issue. If one feels free in their conscience to masturbate then for them it is okay. Vice versa for others.
Holey crap. So anti-Christian. “to all sexual things…you’re action are rebelling against GOD. ”
I normally keep my struggles private, but I’m dealing with this situation as well. I just turned 40 and my hormones are all over the place! I’m a christian and I’ve been single for 11 yrs. It’s been so frustrating for me as I’ve gone without sex and masturbation during this time. I thought I was over it until recently when I went out on a date with my ex. We went out for lunch one Sunday and after we hugged and said our goodbyes, all of those feelings came rushing back in, stronger than ever! We didn’t even kiss! Long story short, I admit to masturbating twice over a two month period. I have a strong urge to do it again, but I feel so hurt. I’ve been praying, crying, and talking to a close friend, but the feelings and emotions are so strong. I try not to watch anything that will trigger any thoughts, but I decided to search how to stop masturbation on google and all sorts of pictures popped up. This really fueled the fire! Besides praying and trying my best to keep thoughts out of my mind, I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be helpful. I love God so much and I know that He will see me through. I feel better knowing that I’m not alone. Thank you.
Hi Cindy, I really sympathize with your situation. I suggest you try meditating. It is a way to release your tension and stress without feeling like you have failed spiritually. If you like, I can suggest a free online meditation group for you to join. Good luck!
I truly empathize with your situation and my heart goes out to you. I understand the struggle and the pain and how hard it is to deal with our desires and how to reconcile them with our relationship with God. I’ve been there and know what it is like to struggle with hormones and emotions and the craving for intimacy. Just to be held and to be told I am beautiful when I don’t feel that way about myself at times. Our sex drive is a very powerful one to say the least and many things can and do trigger it. I am married but my husband is not able to have intercourse with me. I suffered for a while not being able to be pleasured sexually by him. I prayed and prayed about it but the desire didn’t go away. I have always had a high libido which my Dr said was not due to any abnormalities via hormone imbalance, etc. I am just a woman who gets horny and enjoys orgasm and the pleasure of being with my man sexually and being able to give him pleasure. I discovered masturbation as a healthy alternative which has helped me to have the sexual release I know I need. I fantasize about my husband. I think about him penetrating me and making me cum.
Through sex therapy with a Christian counselor recently my husband had regained some of his confidence to where he is willing and able now to give me oral sex which i enjoy and my orgasm has elevated to another level now. I am also able to express emotion I didn’t know was in me but it is amazing. I still masturbate, which I feel free in my conscience to do so and my husband is fine with it.
My encouragement to you is this: don’t struggle and suffer honey. Masturbation can be a good thing for you if you will let yourself go and allow yourself to enjoy it and express yourself through it. It is a matter of conscience in my opinion, but also a necessary thing in order to keep your from fornication or adultery. Orgasmic release is an important part of not only our sexual health, but mental and emotional as well. I would say that nothing can separate you from God’s love. Nothing. We are all fallen and in need of God’s grace. Is masturbation the be all end all? Absolutely not! But to suffer and to punish yourself with guilt isn’t healthy either. Try masturbating more and see if you start to feel more comfortable. Consider buying a vibrator and experiment a little to see if you feel comfortable. You don’t have to look at porn. Just focus on giving yourself pleasure and think about calming images from nature or play soft music.
It sounds like you and your husband have persevered in a really wonderful way through some difficult challenges. It’s wonderful to hear a story like that. Thank you so much for sharing these words of hope. Thank you so much for speaking up in support of women’s pleasure and sexual health.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. I felt so relieved after reading your post. I truly believe that GOD will help me through this until HE sends my mate. Thank you again.
Yes I strongly believe in empowering women to access and learn how to take ownership of their bodies and gaining the freedom of expressing their sexuality openly and freely. It’s about taking ownership of our orgasm and ridding ourselves of shame and guilt and expressing and enjoying the pleasure we feel in a context of joy and acceptance. Some would say that this is hedonistic or self worship. Yes it can become that if one is not careful, absolutely. But the answer also isn’t repression and shame. We are sexual beings and why would our clitoris be jammed full of nerve endings if not for the joy of orgasmic release. Of course I wish my husband could fulfill this all the time.
I have found masturbation to be a form of healthy sexual expression as well as a form of self-care.
For those who are living in shame and repression and suffering in silence I say stop doing this to yourself. Give yourself permission to love yourself. It’s okay to enjoy sex. God gave us this gift. Why not enjoy it.
My husband is limited but he’s made strides to become more sexually active with me, via oral sex on me. This is still sex. I masturbate in front of him and he enjoys watching me. I enjoy being able to cum for him. With the help of our sex therapist he has learned how to message my prostate and enable me to ejaculate. It is one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever felt. It’s mind blowing! And my husband gives this to me.
For those those who are single and waiting and wanting to be pure. I encourage you to stay strong but don’t force yourself to suffer. Give your body what it needs. Get to know your vagina. Get to know your clitoris. Experiment and get to know what feels good for you. Allow yourself to experience and enjoy orgasm. Don’t see masturbation as a sin but rather as an alternative to staying sexually pure.
You are so welcome honey. Don’t be ashamed of your sexuality. Get back to me and let me know how you are doing with this. I am excited for what God has for you and your future mate.
As far as masturbation I would encourage you to explore your vagina and feel around. Touch your clitoris and get to know it. Enjoy it and don’t be ashamed to express the pleasure you feel. Whether once a week or twice or however you feel you need to or want to. When you orgasm you release toxins and stress and chemicals that help your overall well being. Let yourself go and let your orgasm come naturally. Let it out and enjoy the energy that flows through it.
Romans 14:22-23 Modern English Version (MEV)
22 The faith that you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because it is not from faith, for whatever is not from faith is sin.
I believe that the application of this passage and fits the issue of masturbation. If you can masturbate with the faith that God himself has let you discover your own body and is perfectly ok with it then you will not stand condemn on the day of accounting. But if you don’t have faith and masturbate then this passage says that you will condemn yourself.
Thank you for your perspective. I do believe that this is about our conscience as it relates to our liberty in Christ. I used to struggle with guilt and shame when I masturbated. I am now at a place where I no longer feel those things as I now see masturbation as a healthy release and form of self-care for me. I don’t struggle with lust. I just need sexual release. My husband is able to give me limited help in this area and has given me his blessing to masturbate. When I orgasm it helps regulate my mood and anxiety. I have medical diagnosis for both. I am and good shape at 46 and take care of my body’s needs elsewhere through exercise and other activities. I have a high libido and it runs in my family with the women. We all talk about it and share a common struggle to manage it. Masturbation has become a gift for me and helps me live my life in a healthful and positive way.
I think there is a lot of negativity and presumption around masturbation in the Christian community. I don’t see it as something someone is going to be condemned for by God at the judgment seat of Christ. We aren’t going to be condemned for anything there. It’s about our rewards. Our sins have all been paid for on the cross. No one will stand condemned as a non- believer at the Great White Throne for masturbating LOL.
Andrew get back to me and tell me about your masturbation story. I’d like to hear more about how you have processed it for yourself.
I am a masturbating Christian and I am free. I love God. I love my husband. I love my body. And I love my orgasm. Let’s express grace, love, truth, and understanding towards each other.
For the women out there. Let’s talk about our orgasm and the joy and freedom masturbation can give us.
Thanks for this article. Lots of good stuff.
I have to admit. I find it pretty annoying that the article on this website (different author) on the same topic but toward a male audience, gives the option for men to consider a 3rd option or 3rd category for masturbation by opening up the question, if masturbation without lustful fantasizing or pornogrphy is possible (https://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/01/14/masturbate-without-lusting/). It opens up this rare possibility for men and kind of excuses it on this basis but this article for women does not open up that opportunity. I understand these are 2 different authors but I think the double standard here is still obvious.
Although, I do appreciate the open thoughts and conversation about this in a Christian context, I have to admit this discovery is very disheartening.
Christians, do you think the Church (the people, and maybe the institution an it’s ministries) have a double standard for men and women when it comes to sex (including masturbation)?
There seems to be a double standard. God created us to enjoy sexual intimacy and pleasure. Our vagina and our clitoris were designed for orgasmic joy. And I do believe that masturbation is permissible within the freedom of our conscience, and to be a way for our sexual needs to be met when our spouses are not able to be sexually active with us. I masturbate without lust and I know of many other married women who do so as well. My orgasm isn’t my husband’s responsibility. I used to look to him do that but i have taken ownership of it for myself now and am happier than ever. He still gives me orgasms that i love, but what i am saying is I can give myself them too and am not solely reliant on him to give me that release. I am 47 with a healthy libido and I love sexual pleasure more than ever. I think us women need to encourage one another and support each other and just be open about this and move away from shame and guilt and embrace our sexuality and enjoy the freedom we have to express our sexuality in a healthy way.
Thank you Toni! It’s so past time for our sexuality to be a source of pleasure, as intended, rather than a source of shame.
I have struggled with this as a young women since I was 14. I am now 23, and I relate to everything written. There is just so much shame attached to females in this context, I know it is the enemy trying to silence us, and keep things hidden, but I will stand for it no longer. I have been on my knees in prayer, and I honestly don’t masturbate that often, but when I do I’m devastated. So, does anyone happen to know of any female accountability groups? Thanks again for posting this. More women should feel comfortable to stand up for this! Amen and thank you again.
Living on Purpose by Crystal Renaud is a great place to start for female support groups, as is Pure Desire Ministries! I would encourage you to check both of those out and get plugged into a support/accountability group, even if it is just online!
I just feel so guilty of this act. I was a new convert yet I masturbate each time I cry I feel guilty of being in a gathering of brethren. I feel am the worst sinner. What a life… What if I die now where will I find myself.. in hell? Who would ever educate me and disciple me on this. It has become a big problem to me and I am alone in the dark.
You are no worse of a sinner than the rest of this world. We ALL sin it is our human nature. But, in Christ, we find beautiful forgiveness and freedom! In both good and bad, pray without ceasing. Spend time reading the Bible, and seek out other Christians to walk this journey with you. Do not give up the fight!
I am praying for you. You are strong in Jesus!
Hi, I’m 43 and struggling. I honestly went about 15 or more years without masturbating. At the age of 23 I decided to stop dating for a while and focus on walking one with the Lord. I was delivered of masterbation and lust. I actually don’t remember the first time I masturbated as a child and I remember masturbating at 4 and 5 while in school. After I was delivered I had a few dreams at night while sleeping or temptations at times but never masturbated. When I reached about 38 I guess my hormones were spiked somehow and it bothered me til I finally gave in once at 39. I felt so guilty for giving in because I felt like I was backslidden or something. Then when I was 40 my life circumstances changed and I had to move and was depressed and gave in again. I was struggling with my relationship with the Lord trying to seek Him and get myself back in line with Him. Felt really guilty about someone passing away and I just didnt want to live anymore, although I didnt want to die because I was scared to. I guess I’m saying a lot more maybe than I need to so I’m just going to shorten it to this. What if you masturbate without sexual lust thoughts? I mean the reason I’m at this sight is because I just did a search after feeling bad because I had told the Lord at New Years that I was not going to masturbate again. I’ve given in twice now, this last time I gave in not because I was thinking any sexual thoughts, but because I just had a sudden desire while I was listening to something Christian and it seemed to help me be clearer minded, like it helped me to focus on the moment, but I feel bad that I did this although I really don’t feel like there were lustful thoughts or anything that was sexually sinful
I completely understand what you are going through. I just turned 41 and I’m having the same feelings. I commented on this thread several months back about how it seems as if my hormones are stronger than ever. Maybe it’s hormonal changes that women go through once we hit a certain age. I have a teenage daughter and I’ve been celibate for 12 years and it’s been challenging not to masturbate. It’s been 4 months for me, but as of today, the urge is still there. Praying and meditating helps a lot, but it seems as if I’m fighting every single day not to do it. You are not alone with your struggle! God is with us and He loves us!
Thanks for sharing your story! It is so encouraging to see women find the strength to talk about their struggles with unwanted sexual behaviors when the world has largely ignored that women can have those problems. We are working on more resources for women struggling with pornography and other unwanted sexual behaviors. We are putting on a virtual summit with Living on Purpose October 5-9 on this very topic! It’s free to watch live. If you’re interested, you can find more information here. Be on the lookout for more great resources for women coming from Covenant Eyes!
Hi, I am a 21 year old girl, missionary, I love the Lord and want to live for Gods kingdom and glory in all areas of my life. When I was about 12 years old, I got exposed to pornography and I quickly became addicted to it, and didnt get delivered from until I was 19. When I was about 17 I dicsovered a new level masturbation and I was able to orgasm. Sadly pornography and masturbation together became an even stronger addition, something I was not talking to anyone about, but feeling a lot of guilt and shame about.
I remember guys opening up about these struggles, but it felt like no girl had the same struggle as I did. It was not until two years ago I really discovered how much of a lie that was. Sexual purity really is a human challenge and often a problem we all face.
God has been doing amazing things in me, especially the past year, where I slowly but surely started opening up about my struggles, and the shame and guilt started to disappear. Now I am able to talk about these past and current struggles with my mom, friends and boyfriend. Which is a miracle in itself, cause I never thought I ever would be able to. All glory to God! He is so gracious and so patient with us!
My situation now, is that I still have a need to masturbate, but I feel a bit lost in what is right and not. Like for real. There are so many different opinions about this topic. The Lord is telling me that it is only Him I can truly trust and be led by when it comes to topics like this.
This bible verse really spoke to me and I feel like this is the season I am currently in
22 The faith that you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because it is not from faith, for whatever is not from faith is sin.
I have for almost a year now, been inviting God into this, to be able masturbate in a healthy, God honoring way. (If that is even possible or right, hah, I am genuinely not sure)
There have been times where I prayed about it, did it, felt good and the day went by and I felt peace about it.
Other times, my heart was not in the right place and masturbating was more about distracting myself, fulfilling a void or make me feel better – every time I did that I would feel weak, sad, annoyed, or unsatisfied.
I am learning more and more to recognize when it is good for me to do or not. When do I “want this” and when do I “need this”.
From that here comes a new struggle
About 2months ago I met the love of my life. I met my best friend, and he is such a blessings already in my life. God has shown many times that us being together is his will, and he is leading us together. For now, due to the corona virus, we are doing LONG DISTANCE.
Getting to know each other more and more we both have a background of addiction to pornography and masturbation where it was not good. And we are both very sensitive peopel and have a very high sex drive. We are able to talk about it openly and lovingly, not making the other person feel bad or anything like that. But the more we talk and get closer, I get easily caught up in fantasizing about him both when I masturbate (done it about 5 times in the spectrum of 3 months), and just in general when I think about him. And he is also doing the same. We both struggle with knowing what is right or not, and also knowing when we just WANT to feel good, and when do we NEED that release.
We really want to honor God, and each other in this season of life before marriage. And so maybe even masturbating in a healthy way for us can become something good in order for us to stay pure together. I dont know, let me know your thoughts.
Does anyone have any tips/advise/experience on how we can get through this, walk in our purity together in gods way?
I have been thinking about surrendering masturbating for a period until I know my mind is more healthy towards it, but I am not sure what is best?
How can I honor God, him, and myself?
Reading all your people thoughts and testimonies has already blessed me a lot, and I am proud to see so many people step out and be so honest and open about your freedom, wanting to help others to freedom too!
God bless you all! I will pray for you and your sitaution!
My name is Sydney and I want to be a missionary one day! And I have been in a similar situation to you. I am currently taking a break with my recently saved boyfriend. We were open and honest and not judgy too. But it also led me to think about sex with him even more. It’s sometimes not helpful to tell your significant other about how you struggle lusting about them, because it can definitely turn him on, and you on if you hear he thinks about you in that way. It’s best to confide in female friends who love the lord and understand your struggle and who won’t judge you. Another thing I wanted to talk about is my experience. I have tried the whole “masturbating and not lusting game” and it NEVER works for me. I have to think of a guy, and the guy I care for. So it ends up being me using him in my mind to get self satisfaction when he’s not even there and isn’t perfect. In masturbating, I have made him a sex king in my mind. Men are not perfect and there’s a learning curve to sex. So it’s unfair for me to put this impossible standard on him or any other guy. Masturbation isn’t just about lust, it’s about an orgasm you’re experiencing by yourself. This was a gift from the Lord for married people, and when we experience this alone it can become the center of our thoughts, a coping mechanism, a bridge to selfishness, and a wrecker of relationships- in my experience. Christ has completely forgiven me for every sin because I accepted his sacrifice which took the wrath of God. If you know Christ, the same is true for you and he has promised to never leave you. Submit yourself to him and truly ask him if a “need” you’re trying to fulfill is what he needs and wants for you right now. Even though I was completely loved as a child of God, even when I was sinning (because of Christ), I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and the peace of God as I continued to repent over and over again. Never give up. It’s an endless battle. Either with lust or for me my anger. We have an endless stream of living water from the Holy Spirit living within us. Don’t give up sister!
Remember when you masturbate with the image of your spouse in mind, you are still trying to just sexually gratify yourself. You are not performing love making to anyone. Love is more than just sexual behaviors. It’s a one person show with one person’s consent with two people’s images.
I disagree with some of these views. Rather black and white or all or nothing viewpoints. Rigid and legalistic. The church has done a poor job at understanding mental health and it’s affects on a person. Sexual addiction isn’t just a spiritual issue. It’s a behavioral issue that likely needs counseling and medicine. Masturbation is hardly the unpardonable sin. How is it wrong for a spouse to masturbate while fantasizing about their wife or husband, especially if one of the persons isn’t able to have intercourse anymore? Does this mean oral sex is wrong too. Is missionary the only acceptable or permissible position by the way? Should I call ole’ Sally up and meet for coffee and talk about how to purge the evil from among us and read another Kay Arthur book? Let’s just go ahead and cut off our clitoris so we wont sin then. Come on ladies!
I’m a 25 yr female and found masturbation at age 13, it was fun at first but soon realized how bad it was and tried to quit but was hooked..had the moments of saying I’m done with you masturbation and will live for God from now on, marked a calendar for each successful day, but would eventually stumble upon a trigger that I figured Satan wanted me to find and would be compelled to do it again..it’s as if the habit forcibly married me at the altar and I keep telling it that it’s over but it keeps me as it’s partner..I feel foolish for falling into this trap thinking it was great, I want to be perfect for the Lord, but i’m bound to this disgusting habit
Praise God that you have a true desire to find freedom from this! The trap of addiction is easy to fall into—for all of us—and you are not alone. Do you have a trusted friend or mentor whom you can share this struggle with? Having someone walk alongside you through recovery can be a huge encouragement and help.
No journey to freedom is perfect. We all will stumble and even relapse. Continue clinging to God and know that though not one of us is perfect, we serve a Savior who loves us and accepts us as his children.
John 3:16-17, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
I haven’t tried to share the journey/struggle yet, its hard to admit having such a vice, i feel i should have the strength to stop this on my own for good but yet here i am
It can be difficult to muster the strength to share your journey/struggle with someone else, so do not feel guilty about that! If you aren’t ready to share it with someone yet, continue praying and spending time in Scripture. I am a firm believer that God can and will help us overcome our trials.
Moriah I masturbate daily and want to be free. I’m 26 and I love the feeling of orgasm. It is overpowering for me and I can’t stop wanting it like it’s a drug. What I struggle with too is masturbation has helped me actually express my emotions more freely. I am able to experience this rush of pleasure and I can’t stop wanting it.
Thank you for sharing your honesty and desire to change. Do you have a close friend or mentor whom you can reach out to and share your struggle with? Have an Ally to walk alongside you into recovery can be incredibly helpful.
Another tip is to make a list of activities that you can turn to when feeling tempted. For example, when you feel tempted to masturbate, instead go for a walk, call a friend, or move to a public space where you cannot masturbate.
I believe in you! The freedom is worth the fight.
Thank you for your advice. I’m working on trying to masturbate less. Like not every single day. When I do I orgasm rather easily but feel good physically the rest of the day. It helps to relax me. I struggle with anxiety too. That feeds my impulse to do it. I’ll try your advice though
What helps you? How do you deal with it? What do you do when you give into it?
I apologize if I didn’t make it clear, but I do not struggle with this. However, as the Covenant Eyes blog manager, I read a lot of comments and stories from women who do.
That being said, I would encourage you to read the other comments on this post from women who have also struggled with masturbation. For most addictions in general, being able to identify your triggers and redirect yourself when you are tempted is a huge part of recovery.
Thank you. I reached out to a therapist and am going to get help with this. I’ll be okay. I’m able to function just fine with the rest of my life. This is a private struggle. I work out and lead a healthy life otherwise. I know I don’t have the gift of singleness for sure and I don’t believe i have an addiction. Just a habit that i need to redirect myself away from. Thank you for this blog and the work you are doing. I’m going to get through this. We all fall short in areas of holiness. I know people who have a Starbucks addiction but no one seems to say much about that. Addiction to sports or anything else for that matter. We all struggle with something but it doesn’t mean it’s an addiction. Priorities are important for sure and how we manage our time. I’m going to figure out how to manage this and get on top of it. In the meantime I’m going to start looking for a husband.
Hi Moriah, I found masturbation at an early age. It’s hard to quit because it’s so easy….i thought if I showed my friend it, that he could help me stop it, but now he’s hooked..if I’m not going after porn then is it still sinful?
I think this quote from the blog captures my thoughts on masturbation perfectly: “Although the Bible never addresses masturbation directly, it addresses sexual immorality and lust many times. Lustful thoughts are toxic to our mind and heart.”
If masturbation is causing you to think lustfully or turn to sexual immorality, then I would definitely say it is sinful. If not, I think that the lines are not drawn clearly, at least in biblical terms. I would advise you to avoid talking to your male friend(s) about this. Like you have observed, it can cause them to have lustful thoughts and even turn to masturbation themselves. Is there an older woman or mentor whom you can turn to and ask for guidance and accountability?
I hope this answers your question!
I struggle with some of the mentality expressed in “the church.” We have formed mechanisms to deal with problems. Accountability. While it may be well intended all it has amounted for me is a confessional booth of owning up to my latest blunders and inability to keep the rules. And all it has done is create shame and the feeling that I’ll never get it right.Isn’t. Satan our accuser? He has nothing but time on his hands to grab us by our back collar and drag us through the mud and get in our face everyday pointing out every sin we’ve committed and tell us we’ll never get it right and that God is unhappy with us. Thanks be to God for Romans 8:1. I am Romans 7 but am thankful that 8:1 tells me God isn’t disappointed in me and has removed my shame from me. Why can’t we live in this freedom? God has already given it to us.
Next, I hear all the time about spiritual disciplines. So am I to stand at attention and salute God like he’s my commanding officer and ask him what his orders are for the day? How is it that we seem to order our lives like our relationship with God is some duty rather than a relationship to be enjoyed? We don’t consider our spouse and kids to be a discipline to keep up on do we? Isn’t it about a desire that drives us to a commitment to connect and be a part and share our lives with each other? And that out of this we form the discipline to manage and cultivate via priorities?
We seem to categorize sin in ways where we rank them. Or we classify some sin as addiction while others we don’t. All sin is sin. Albeit some of the consequence differ. I know a Christian therapist who admits she struggles with profanity. I struggle with masturbation. My friend can’t drink enough coffee in a day. My brother probably watches too much tv. But then we are glued to the Food network or some talk show where everyone wants to express their opinion. Social media is a straight up addiction for a lot of people if we are honest. How is it that some of these behaviors are socially acceptable but because I enjoy giving myself an occasional orgasm I need an accountability partner to stop this behavior? All you instagram addicts out there…better go get an accountability partner. We have created this rule keeping system that does nothing but set us up for shame, guilt, and regret. We are flesh. We live in a world that is evil and belongs to the devil. Is it not God’s grace that gives us hope? I’m not saying we don’t have friends and mentors to talk to and share our struggles with. I have done this and found some of it to be helpful. But at the end of the day we each have to cultivate our relationship with God. It isn’t about keeping the rules. It is about as I draw closer to God and allow him to be my first love that we are able to grow in his grace and knowledge. Yes our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and we are called to be holy. Absolutely! But we are never going to get it right all the time. God understands that and isn’t standing over us waiting to chop us up when we do fail. It is about a love relationship. In Christ I am accepted and loved because of his work on the Cross. End of story! And thanks be to God that he is our resurrection and life. Our living hope! God wants us to walk in freedom. I want that but my flesh gets in the way. Romans 7. Remember 8:1 though. So yes, we will struggle but God is for us and we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Masturbation is fine and there is no God. It makes me so angry that the Bible and other religions have poisoned so many minds and made people feel guilty, weak, and ashamed for their own human biology.
If I believed in sin, one of the greatest would be indoctrinating a child to hate themselves and their own feelings by threatening eternal torture upon them if they don’t act like little worshipping robots. Like, who could look a child in the eye and threaten them with torture? Especially if all they’ve done is masturbated which is normal and healthy.
Shaming children for masturbating leads to poor mental health and a damaged sex life in the future.
Also, you stated that you can’t worship God and serve yourself at the same time. I say, so what? Does your God really need his ego stroked every minute of every day? If so, then what a narcissist, don’t you think?
Why exactly did you even read this article if you don’t believe in God? Were you bored?